living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
