The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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