i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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