we have officially lost it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
