So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
