omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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