i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When are your genitals available?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize