wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
3pm strippers are depressing
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My vagina is officially offended.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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