I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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