We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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