My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Even my vagina gasped.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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