a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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