yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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