so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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