Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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