So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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