I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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