I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
