god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My balls are so social today.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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