Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
