Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
