If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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