so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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