hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
