I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
