1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
