Moan for me like Helen Keller
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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