My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
