Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
