You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
