you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I wear drunk well.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
