we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize