Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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