I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
