I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We left the knife in your bed.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
