perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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