I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
