I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
