had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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