I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And then my night got REAL pukey
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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