Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
