Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
