and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
