I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
