could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
