I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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