My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
