You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Did I show you my penis last night?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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