I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
