According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
