Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
