I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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