i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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