I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
