Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Ladies don't puke and tell
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
