do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
