I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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