i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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