i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
