there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
