Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Ketchup is God's man juice
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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