she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Randomize
