i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
