The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
