mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize