Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
