It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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