that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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