I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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